Create the Courage to be Fearless

Perimenopause Explained: Hormones, HRT, Libido & Reclaiming Your Confidence | Kim Bilyk EP 228

• Anita Mattu • Episode 228

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Perimenopause can feel like an unexpected identity shift. Your body changes, your sleep changes, your confidence takes a hit, and even the things that once brought you joy can start to feel different.

In this episode, I’m joined by Kim Bilyk, founder of Queen of Turn On, for an honest conversation about what’s really happening during perimenopause and menopause—and how women can reclaim their energy, confidence, pleasure, and sense of self.

We explore how changing levels of oestrogen, progesterone, and testosterone can affect libido, motivation, mood, inflammation, insulin resistance, and overall wellbeing. Kim shares practical insights into hormone health, HRT, and why women need to become informed advocates for their own health rather than settling for one-size-fits-all solutions.

We also discuss the powerful role of nervous system regulation, the impact of chronic stress and cortisol, and simple practices that can help women feel more grounded, connected, and in control. From body confidence and self-trust to intimacy, vaginal health, and honest communication with partners, this conversation tackles topics that many women experience but few openly discuss.

We finish by looking at long-term health, including the importance of strength training for muscle mass, metabolism, bone density, balance, and maintaining independence as we age.

Whether you're currently navigating perimenopause, approaching menopause, or supporting someone who is, this episode offers practical tools, expert insights, and empowering conversations to help you move through this stage of life with greater confidence and clarity.

In this episode, we discuss:
• Perimenopause and menopause symptoms
• Hormones, HRT, and women’s health
• Libido, intimacy, and vaginal health
• Stress, cortisol, and nervous system regulation
• Body confidence and self-trust
• Strength training and healthy ageing
• How to advocate for your health and ask better questions

If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who could benefit from this conversation.

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Welcome And Big Taboo Questions

Kim Bilyk

I want all my perimenopause and beyond women to be orgasmic for the rest of their life. Like we don't have to like, you know, live this story that we don't deserve pleasure. You have to know what you want and what creates pleasure for you so that you could ask for it.

Anita Mattu

Today's guest is Kim Bilyk, founder of Queen of Turn on. Welcome, Kim.

Kim Bilyk

Hi, Anita. Thank you so much for having me.

Anita Mattu

I'm really excited for this conversation. I've been talking to colleagues and friends, and they've actually given me a couple of questions they'd like to answer as well.

Kim Bilyk

Oh, I I I love that. Because I know sometimes like when it comes to women's health, there's some taboo topics or shame. So I think that's great that you were able to get some questions.

Anita Mattu

Yes. Um, because I said I'm doing this great podcast. They said, Yeah, we want to know this. We want to That's what I'm here for. Absolutely. So with that said, what is one of the most courageous things that you have done?

Kim Bilyk

Ooh, I feel like one of the most courageous things I have done. There's so many, but I think the most recent comes to mind is healing from being hit by a car. It's been, I'm about July will be two years since it happened. I was crossing the street, um, got uh hit by an SUV as a pedestrian and got thrown 25 feet. So I'm blessed to still be here today. And that was about a year-long journey of healing, and I basically did that alone. 100 medical appointments, my family's back up in Canada. Um, I had just gone through a breakup, so I was single and going through that and using the tools that I give to my clients on myself. Like it's one thing to go through the training and to give it to somebody else, but to really dive in and use the tools myself and go through that journey. Don't get me wrong, I had some really bad days, but I think it's amazing that these tools helped me not go on any antidepressant.

Healing After A Life Changing Accident

Kim Bilyk

I wasn't on any pain meds, and I didn't go on any like anti-anxiety medication or anything like that. So I think that journey is probably one of my biggest courageous moments.

Anita Mattu

Yeah, I'd say. Wow, well done. I mean, it's like that's quite an achievement, not to like take all the drugs and that and really focus and do it for yourself and really get motivated to help yourself. Yeah.

Kim Bilyk

Yeah.

Anita Mattu

For those who may not know you, can you share a little about your journey and what led you to Queen of Turn On?

Kim Bilyk

Yes. So um, yes, as Anita said, I'm founder of Queen of Turn On, and I help women reignite their energy, their passion, and turn on for life. And this has been quite a journey myself. It actually started about nine years ago. So, really at the core is I'm helping women connect to their bodies, connect to their health. And this is from the very foundation of looking at your labs, your hormone labs, and seeing what you're eating and your exercise and what we're putting on our bodies and moving through this journey of that inner work, nervous system regulation, stress management, some of that inner healing from maybe even from our childhood. And then coming to the other side, I shouldn't even say the other side, it's part of the journey of reclaiming our pleasure both in the bedroom and out of the bedroom. And it all started nine years ago when I was a bikini competitor. And I had lost my period for nine months, which is also known as amenorrhea. And I remember going to the doctor, uh, and the only thing they had to offer me was birth control. And I knew that wasn't the answer. I knew my bikini competition was a big factor. And in that time, I was very involved in the health and wellness community in Los Angeles, and I was hearing the same thing. I was very vocal about my journey and I was hearing the same thing from women. I feel so alone. I don't feel heard, and the only option I'm being given is birth control and in some cases surgery. And I was like, I want to be a change from that, for the from this. And, you know, I've been through a bit of a journey myself as I came to Queen of Turn On, but now being 41, you know, there's I feel like perimenopause, yes, it's a real word, but it's a bit of a buzzword right now. And there's a lot of, to in my eyes, a lot of negativity around it, like all the negative symptoms. But what if we could look at it from a positive light? And even as we look at these symptoms and being proactive, and really at the end of the day, most women aren't waking up and being like, I don't want to be in perimenopause anymore. They want to be like, I want to be more connected to my body, I want more passion in my relationship, I want to feel more turned on, so I'm more focused at work or with my kids. And this is where Queen of Turn On has been born.

Anita Mattu

And that's so wonderful because it is a buzzword, perimenopause, right now, and let's face it, all of us women go through it whether we want to or not. Exactly. So why not make it more pleasurable, more acceptable? Because it is a taboo subject. People don't want to know about it. And so yeah, I think that's really fantastic what you're

Why Queen Of Turn On Exists

Anita Mattu

doing. Thank you. You talk about women losing their spark in perimenopause. What does that actually mean in real life?

Kim Bilyk

So it that's that's a broad question. It could be many things. Like there really is the hormonal factor, estrogen is dropping, um, testosterone is actually dropping too. I think you know, a lot of times we think of just men and testosterone, but us women have testosterone too, and it could impact um not only like our sex drive, um, but our motivation. If your testosterone is well, your motivation, just your um that that spark, like you're saying, it could really impact that. Same with our estrogen. Estrogen is, I say, our juicy hormone. So there could be that dryness happening, there could, which could lead to some pain. Um, there's all these other factors that could come with the drop in drop in estrogen. So there's that fact of it, but I also as you go through transition of the hormones changing, our bodies are changing, estrogen makes us um higher estrogen levels, make us less um insulin resistant. So, you know, our bodies, we can't eat what we were eating in our 20s anymore. And our body's gonna react differently to that. Even estrogen helps buffer our inflammation. So you start might feeling a little achy in the joints. So those types of, and with that, when you're not feeling good, you're just kind of feeling, you know, you're a little blah, and there goes your spark. So as you go, and some women, I hear this so often, you're like, I look in the mirror and I just don't recognize myself. You know, maybe you got a little bit of that muffin top. Maybe it's just really how you are feeling in that time. So that's where like coming back to coming back to your spark. And what is it that you that you're really wanting for yourself? And I think there's a bit of a blessing. Um, estrogen is the nurturing hormone, right? So think of in your 20s and 30s when most women are in our childbearing years, because I feel like nowadays a lot of women are having children in their 40s, but as the estrogen is dropping, there goes our people pleaser a little bit. Maybe we're not being cranky and we're just finally being like, no, I'm saying no instead of yes when I've been wanting to say no for so long. I'm not gonna overexplain myself. I get to say yes to myself. And um, I see that more in myself already. I hear that from a lot of ladies as well.

Anita Mattu

Yes, I can understand that. And like you said, that doesn't have to be a reason. You just want to focus on yourself and you want to say no more. I totally get that. I get that with clients actually quite a lot now.

Kim Bilyk

Yeah. And you're not being selfish. I don't think you're being selfish when you say no.

Anita Mattu

Absolutely. And like they say, you know, you've got to look after yourself first before anybody else.

Kim Bilyk

Exactly, because you can't pour from an empty cup, and I know it sounds so cliche, but it's just it's the truth.

Anita Mattu

It's so true. I mean my uh um go-to phrase would be, you've gotta put your oxygen mask on for yourself first in the airplane. Then you can help others.

Kim Bilyk

It's it's very true.

Anita Mattu

So why do so many women feel disconnected with their energy, identity, and confidence during this stage of life?

Kim Bilyk

I think it comes back

The Real Meaning Of Losing Spark

Kim Bilyk

to kind of what I was saying. There's like this change, and sometimes it could happen so drastically. Like I was working with a woman, and within three months, she's like, I went from looking like this, and now all of a sudden I'm inflamed, I have no energy, my hair's falling out. And so there's that physical side, and then when you see, and I I feel like society does put a lot of pressure on women and their images. Like, look at the social media nowadays, you know, whether it's the Ozempic or whether this celebrity got a Botox or fillers or not, or I think of Pamela Anderson who's just like aging naturally, and it's like such a big deal. So when we get like these, you could be the most confident woman, but when you have like this, these little things chirping in your ear, it could impact your confidence. So there's like that side of it, like the image side, but with it is just our energy too. So, for example, even our progesterone is the first hormone that drops. We you don't hear about it so much. I feel like we hear so much about estrogen, but progesterone is, I say, our natural like anti-anxiety um medication. It keeps us calm, um, it helps with our sleep. So if you're not sleeping well, you're not gonna feel great the next morning. And maybe you're even feeling a little puffy too, because you didn't sleep well, or you're having the cravings then the next day, and then you're not eating well. So there's like so many factors and it plays into a little bit of a cycle. And then that's when you're just like feeling, okay, that this isn't this isn't me. And how how do I get to get to change? And I think, and I I hear it too, there's a little bit of like just the psychological side too, of like, oh, I was this or I was able to do this, and now I'm noticing a change. And you know, just like many things, it's just seeing what that change is and how could we adapt to where we are now. Like one big focus I always have with my clients is let's look at the wins. What are you still able to do? And let's go move in that direction. Because we could sit there and look at what we can't do or what's changed that you don't like and focus on the negatives, but that's not going to get us moving forward and feeling more confident and bringing that spark back in. And our health.

Anita Mattu

Yes. And I think that the health part is such an overall, it's a big question. And that goes nicely into our next question. What is one area related to women's health that is not getting enough attention when it comes to supporting women with improving their hormones and overall health?

Kim Bilyk

So you know what I think um, yes, I always I always say this is the foundation. Let's look at the food, let's look at your exercise. I feel like nervous system regulation and stress doesn't get looked at enough. Um I mean, I'm even thinking my own doctor, like how often maybe they say, like, what's your stress level? But they don't really dive into it. Uh, I could speak from my own personal experience dealing with stress and um cortisol, like with stress comes cortisol levels and adrenal fatigue, and all that could fac plays into how your progesterone, estrogen, testosterone is as well. And even I think of the woman that is on HRT and maybe not getting the results that they want, um, because nothing is the magic pill. You get to look at like what are your stress levels? Uh, and stress could look come up in many forms, uh, and then bringing in different practices, uh, different tools to help you feel more calm and just bringing that nervous system from here down. And some women even go into like a free state, like it's just they're just maxed right out. So for some of them,

Confidence Drops And Hormone Shifts

Kim Bilyk

it's like bringing that energy back up. It doesn't look the same for everybody.

Anita Mattu

Yes. Absolutely one doesn't fit all. And there's circumstances under everyone's different anyway. Yeah. So what are the hidden factors that can make perimenopause feel worse than it needs to be? That's a big one. A lot of people want to know that okay, how can I make this feel better for myself? And they're doing everything and it's not working.

Kim Bilyk

Yeah, so kind of one thing I already said, because I think it kind of doesn't get looked at, is you know, the stress and like really looking at how your body is feeling nervous um system-wise. Like, are you always feeling up here? Um, kind of a little jumpy, that sensation tightness in your chest, or how's your sleep, all that? And I'm sure so many women are so tired of hearing this, but like, what are you eating? Are you getting enough protein? Uh, I've heard women saying, I feel like I'm getting pushed protein more than I got pushed drugs when I was in like adolescence, you know? But it makes such a big impact. Like, are you getting enough protein? Are you getting enough fiber? Because it does impact um just how our body's functioning. And sleep is another thing too that we really get to look at. Uh, I have not gotten much sleep this week. I was at that mastermind in Vegas, as I we had mentioned, then came in on a red eye. So um, and I'm feeling it today. I've been feeling it all week. And I'm like, I just get to decompress, you know, um, for the next rest of actually today. Uh, so these are those are like some of the things that you really get to look at. And another thing too is endocrine disruptors, plastics, perfumes, what we're putting on our body. I even think I this is my personal opinion. I had this conversation actually with my gynecologist. So I think it is a factor with breast cancer and different cancers. Like we we get to look at these things, but it's not the everyday conversation that that's really coming up.

Anita Mattu

Because I think a lot of people are in a way, they feel just cope. So why does it feel so many women are told to just cope rather than being properly supported?

Kim Bilyk

Because they get gaslit at the doctor's office. But it's like, you know, they the doctors kind of make it feel most, not all doctors, most, um, it's all in your head. It's part of aging. This is normal, this is very menopause. Instead of asking the deeper questions, or you know, a woman comes in and asks for certain blood panels, and especially here in the US, because insurance might not cover it, the doctor won't run it. So then there's like these question marks. Well, what's really going on, what's really going on, right? So when you're told everything's just normal and you don't know how to ask the right questions and advocate for yourself, you just kind of like, okay, then maybe this is normal. Maybe this is all in my head. And this is why I love having these conversations to say, no, there's other options, there's other questions you could be asking for. And it's more than just because even women in their 40s are being put on birth control to manage their symptoms. Um, there's more, there's more to that. And I'm not against HRT. I think it could be ri very helpful for women. And we also get to look at the foundations of improving our health with that, whether you're on HRT or not.

Anita Mattu

And I think they get, like you said, you mentioned this many times now, chronic stress, and that does impact the hormones. Of course it does, your overall well-being if you're stressed out. So there's a lot to be trying to calm down. So why is the nervous system such a key piece for the hormone puzzle that is often overlooked?

Kim Bilyk

Well, because stress impacts the brain, and that's really where our sex hormones start with pr production, right? So if they're actually not being

Stress And The Nervous System Puzzle

Kim Bilyk

produced, um it's gonna impact how uh you know our levels of estrogen uh could be our or progesterone as well, actually. So not only just naturally are these hormones declining, but then you have stress. And then the other thing is yes, our ovaries are a main storage for uh our estrogen, but so are our adrenal glands could be a little storage as well. Now, if those are tanked, then you're we're not getting really anything, right? So it is uh, you know, and our cortisol levels create inflammation in the body. Uh so there, if we're having that stress, then some hormones aren't being produced, cortisol's going up, there's inflammation. There's just so many different factors to go with that. And, you know, we've said it a couple times in this in the episode already. Like, that's why it's just so important to look at our stress levels. I I say like that's one area where I focus a lot with my clients because that's what they're going, like that's a that's a big factor. And I think of, I'm gonna say this just because I think people forget women in their 40s and 50s, there's a lot going on in your life in that time. You have your hormones going all crazy. So you have your own health you're worrying about. Um, you know, not all women, I'm single myself, but you know, you you're in a partnership, uh, you have children, maybe they're leaving off to college, maybe you're a new mom in your early 40s, right? And then we have aging parents, and I think that doesn't get talked about enough. So then you're trying to help, you know, your aging parents. And then maybe you're trying to build your business or you're climbing up the ladder in the corporate world. So there's so many factors going on. And like just talking about that, I'm like, that's a lot going on. That's stress alone, right? So it's like, how do we manage all this while taking care of our health and this change that we're going, you know, maybe you've heard this like perimenopause is kind of the opposite of puberty. It's like the other side of it. You know, when we're in our teens, our hormones are all over the place, and now we're on the other side growing women, and our hormones are still all over the place. Or again, all over the place.

Anita Mattu

I know. It's like a mind fill and it's understanding it really for yourself, because we're all individuals, and I think a big role is trying to understand your own body as well, and don't be like fogged off by what people are saying. You've got to have some kind of level of what's going into your body as well, because I'm a great believer in nutrition and uh lifestyle health, you know. So that goes nice into my next question. What role does lifestyle nutrition and emotional health play in hormone balance?

Kim Bilyk

I think it's huge. It it really is huge. Um, I myself I can't prescribe any HRT, so everything I do is um, you know, functional medicine, function, and functional wellness. And it's a huge factor. And I could say it from what I've seen, I what I've seen from my clients, and I've lived this through like I'm gonna say three healing journeys myself with no pharmaceutical anything, and just coming back to what foods do we am I eating? What kind of exercise am I doing? What kind of breath work? How um am I tapping into my toolbox for nervous system regulation exercises? I'm blessed. I'm about a 10-minute drive to the beach. For me, that's my that's like my saving grace. So something on that top on this topic, I'll just give, um, I'll share with the audience that I give to my clients is I call it the calm container. What are three to five things that just you're like, this feels so good? It could be a person, it could be a place or an activity. And just when you feel like you need that moment just to like pause, reset, decompress, maybe it's even for an hour, what could you pull from that container? And having five, three to five options, just because if it is a person, you're not gonna want to call them all the time. So just having some different, different options with that. But yeah, I I think I think it's huge. And it goes back, I we've kind of said this a couple of times. There's like no magic pill, there's no magic powder injection,

Food Sleep Plastics And Hidden Triggers

Kim Bilyk

anything. Yes, all this stuff could help support our health, but if the foundation is broken, there's not gonna like these extra things aren't gonna perform to their full potential.

Anita Mattu

I love that because it is about having the foundation right, and then you build on top of that. Exactly.

Kim Bilyk

Exactly. And I th the other thing too, you you mentioned something here um about feeling disconnected. I feel it is so powerful when you come become connected to your body. And I know there's like, you know, your hormones are all the place and you see this change and you feel disc disconnected, but when you could just come back, I call it your womb tuition. You just put your hand on on your womb just below the belly button and just take a couple breaths, and you can even just be like, what do I need right now? That's so powerful, just coming back to your Yourself because you'll feel a sensation, or maybe you'll see a vision with your eyes closed or get a little download. And it's just coming back to yourself. And if you do this every day, you start seeing patterns through your cycle or when you get triggered by some type of stress. And then you could come pull something from your calm container or just know what you should be eating. I laugh because I love educating around cycles, thinking that could be a whole other conversation. But I laugh at myself because I know where I am in my cycle. I'm like in the grocery store and I'm like, I can't leave without salmon and kiwi. And I know I'm ovulating. It's like I'm about to walk out the store and then all of a sudden I'm like, no, I need to go back and get these foods because I know it's like supportive for my body right now. Um, and that's just an example. Like when you really connect to yourself. And yes, we all have those moments when we're just like, I don't know where I am right now. But just taking that moment to come back could be so powerful.

Anita Mattu

And I think in this fast-paced life as well, we need to slow down. I'm forever saying that to my clients. It's about actually hearing what the body needs. Listen.

Kim Bilyk

Yeah. And it's always talking to you, even our symptoms. You know, uh, you uh we said you were talking about it earlier. Like uh, how are women just pushing through perimenopause? Like they feel these symptoms and they're told they're normal. They aren't normal, they're messengers, they may be common, but what are these symptoms really telling you? And maybe you have to seek out other people than just your doctor. Maybe you go see a different doctor to help you navigate what you're feeling.

Anita Mattu

How does midlife and hormones change impact a woman's sex life and desire? Because that's a question I got a lot of people wanting to know about.

Kim Bilyk

Yeah, I mean, there is so much happening. Um it could go there, well, estrogen, as I said earlier, I'm like, it's our juicy hormone. Uh, you know, it keeps our joints lubricated, but it also keeps the the vagina lubricated, right? So vaginal dryness is a thing, and I know it's something that a lot of women maybe feel ashamed about talking to their doctors or their friends or anybody, right? Because like, oh, this isn't happening to me type thing. So there's there's the internal, the internal, you know, dryness, but the external, the vulva as well, you could have dryness there because estrogen helps with that lubrication. Well, what else? It could also then create pain with sex. So if you're dry and pain and it's painful, well, sex is meant to be pleasurable. So you're not gonna want to have sex if it's not feeling pleasurable. So there's there's that component. Then if your testosterone's dropping and you don't even have a sex drive, then that's like another layer, right? You know, I said at the beginning, us women, we need testosterone as well. And then if you gained a little weight and you're just not feeling your own self, right? Then you might not you're not feeling confident. Uh, and even if you're in a marriage, like I've talked to women that have been married for 25 years and their husbands absolutely adore them and love them and want to be intimate with them, but they're just not feeling themselves. I actually had a client like two weeks ago I was talking to, and her iron levels were really low, her ferritin. And she's like, I could barely crawl out of bed. And she's like, you know, I know my partner wants to be intimate with me, but she's like, I could barely get out of bed. And she's like, it hurt my heart so much that I couldn't be intimate with him. And I could see he's trying to be, he understood and he was trying to be patient, but just seeing, you know, that's a big part of a relationship, right? The sexual, the sexual part, the intimacy. And it was like this dynamic. The beautiful thing is they were able to communicate about it, but how many couples are not communicating about it? And then it becomes like a bit of this cycle. So there's like there are there are

Libido Changes Dryness And Relationship Talk

Kim Bilyk

a number of factors. And I know as uncomfortable it could be. I encourage women, and maybe women just give this section to your partners as well so they could hear us talking, like having this conversation where you could actually just express how you're feeling. Maybe it's the dryness, maybe it's just like, I don't know what's going on, but I don't have a sex drive right now. Um, so that you understand what's going on, but also your partner understands what's going on. And they're again just seeking out and problem solving um how you could change where you are. Uh, because I feel like women uh deserve to have pleasure and be sexually active all the way up into their 90s. I am an occupational therapist as well. And I do hear some 80-some-year-old ladies that, you know, they're still very active. And I love hearing that because there's like this thing like, oh, once women are past their childbearing years, they don't need to have sex. No, we get to have sex and enjoy it.

Anita Mattu

That's so true, honestly. And yes, I can see how it is impacting relationships and it's that emotional connection, and like we've just you've just spoken about, it's having that open, honest conversation.

Kim Bilyk

Yeah, because I think sometimes the men are thinking like, oh, well, she doesn't want me anymore. Or just no one wants to be told no. But if there's an understanding of like what's going on or what you're actually feeling, and maybe you don't even know what's going on, but just expressing like this is what's going on, uh, there's gonna be less of that discomfort and tension, potentially, right? And I'm saying potentially because every relationship's different. And I could say this, I've even had men that I personally know reach out to me and they're like, Kim, I'm reaching out as a concerned husband, and this is what's going on. Do you think you could help my wife? One case I know I think because she didn't know me, um, she didn't end up reaching out to me. But in other case, two other cases, the women reached out to me, and I was able to support them. You know, the husband pinpointed, like, I think something's going on. Kim could help you. And yeah, it it ended up working out in the best for both of them.

Anita Mattu

Yes. And that's so good because it's not about, you know, I think some women feel, oh, what's wrong? You know, my husband's trying to give me advice here. He doesn't understand, but he's trying to help you. Sometimes you've got to be open to it.

Kim Bilyk

Yeah. I when when men come to me like that, I I celebrate them because I know there's a handful of others that are just like, who knows what they're doing. Uh yeah. And I say it like that. It's another man. I was at a seminar the other week, and a man came up to me and he goes, I needed you like three years ago because my wife went through something, and he said he said to his wife, he goes, I have needs too. He didn't end up like cheating on his wife, but he was kind of like, You need to figure this out because I have needs too. And I'm sure there's a handful of men feeling that way. That's why I'm like, I don't know what some of them are doing. But it goes back to having a conversation, and I know sometimes these conversations are uncomfortable, but having that conversation could go a long way.

Anita Mattu

Yes, and for the women, I know sometimes inter intimacy starts feeling like an effort, you know. So there's a lot going on underneath the surface, but it's trying to unpack that. Yeah.

Kim Bilyk

Yeah. And and I'm gonna say this too. During this time of our life, us women might need a little more. Maybe we just need a little bit of extra support or just to be held more. It could look like so many things, and maybe not getting that extra support is not making you feel as connected to your partner. So I know sometimes and myself included, it's hard to ask and receive, but maybe it's a little bit of that challenge of just asking and being like, hey hon, I'm feeling this way. Like, can I just be held a little bit tonight? Or do you think you could go do this for me? That would mean a lot. And as the partner shows up more, I'm sure that's gonna change too with the the sexual connection and the intimacy.

Anita Mattu

What are some of the biggest misconceptions about female desire as women age? Because there's a lot of stories that go around.

Kim Bilyk

What I've kind of said already, you know, a little bit of like, oh, once women are past their childbearing years, who cares? They don't really need to have sex. Like they don't they don't and I think I I don't agree with that as all at all. Like I want one of my friends asked me, she's like, if you worked with a thousand women, what do you want them? Like, what would you want? I said, I want all my perimenopause and beyond women to be orgasmic for the rest of their life. Like, we don't have to like, you know, live this story that we don't deserve pleasure. Uh, I think there's that, there's definitely that side of it. But tied into that is that pain with sex is normal and kind of just accepted. Uh, there are different ways to work around that, whether it maybe is some estrogen cream, like internal estrogen cream, maybe it's some pelvic floor work. Um, I'm trained in Dow and Tantric Healing Arts. So maybe it's some of those practices. I'm a vaginal steam therapist, believe it or not. Yoni seeming, vaginal seam is when you sit over a pot of herbs and different herbs have different healing properties. That could help a lot with dryness, chronic UTIs, and it could help with your sex life as well. So there's definitely different ways to work around that. Even tied into that, I know women as they get a little bit older, drop up estrogen levels, do become more prone to UTIs, um, which could also impact then your sex life. So just knowing these things are potentially common, um, but they're not normal. And yeah, I think kind of what else I've also said is it's just that change of aren't feeling the spark to, you know, want to be intimate anymore. Like that's just that's kind of a misconception too. But I know a lot of women that are still wanting it, you know, have that spark and there's no shame.

Anita Mattu

Yeah, absolutely. Yes. How can women begin to reconnect with their pleasure, confidence, and their bodies again then? What's kind of somebody was listening now and they wanted to know that, how can they start to make a shift?

Kim Bilyk

Um, something I kind of mentioned already, I think, is just coming back to yourself and just seeing what do I need? Uh I could even just kind of talk through a little breath work practice. Uh very simple, just putting your hand, like I said, on your womb space, just below the belly button, closing your eyes. It's called cosmic breath. So you're taking a breath in, breathing in through the front side of the body as you inhale and as you exhale, feeling the energy loop down the back side of your body. So it's just inhale through the front, exhale through the back. And just as you do this breath work, uh the cosmic breath is just really tapping into your body and being like, what do I need? What does my body need in any type of way? What am I calling into my life? And you you just start to really connect in what you're needing.

Pleasure Practices And Asking For What You Want

Kim Bilyk

And then the other thing I will say is just taking some time just to mirror gaze. And I know for some women this could be very uncomfortable. You could do it with your clothes on, you could do it with your clothes off if you're feeling it, and just loving your body, even if there's some changes, what is something you could focus on that you're loving? Maybe it's your breasts, maybe it's your smile, your eyes, your hips, and just finding that and just really reconnecting to yourself because you have to feel connected to yourself first before you fully could connect to somebody else. And then the and with that, and I say this to some of my clients, uh, kind of talking more on the sexual intimate side, is you have to know what you want and what creates pleasure for you so that you could ask for it.

Anita Mattu

There are a lot more women that are still it's a taboo, you know, they mustn't say things. So it's about having that openness again.

Kim Bilyk

Yeah.

Anita Mattu

I mean, this day and age, if women can't be themselves and be open, what's it all about?

Kim Bilyk

Really, it it so much so, and that's what I think uh I love about us women as we move into our forties and fifties and beyond. Um I think we become more connected to ourselves. And I said this earlier, we don't feel like we need to be that people pleaser. And nobody's perfect. I even still get to work on it sometimes. But I'll say generally, I feel like us women we're more like, no, this isn't a this isn't a yes for me, or I want this. So there's that shift.

Anita Mattu

What are the long-term risks of ignoring strength and metabolism health in midlife? Because like, you know, we're talking about the midlife, we need to have a strong body as well. Mm-hmm.

Kim Bilyk

There's more and more research coming out that um shows that our muscle is like a big marker of longevity. So there's so many positive factors for us to have muscle. It helps with our metabolism, it helps with our overall strength, it helps with our balance. Um, so for us women, I'm gonna say 40 and beyond, doing those long, long cardio sessions, maybe like you did in your 20s, aren't as beneficial for us anymore. We get to strength train, especially our lower body working on our legs, um, maybe doing a little bit of plyometric work. Maybe not your first day in the gym, but building up to it, like some little box jumps, uh, if you have have good balance. Because we also want to put the stress on our bones. Uh, one in three people uh will fracture, have a fracture. I want to say, I think it's after 70 if I recall. And most a lot of them are women. And I could say this as an occupational therapist. Um, the number of people that have especially a hip fracture in 75 and beyond, they don't fully recover after. There's always some, whether they're on a walk or they're in a wheelchair, and they say 20 to 30 percent of people over the age of 75 that have a hip fracture will die within that first year. And a lot of times it's not directly

Strength Training For Longevity And Bones

Kim Bilyk

because of the hip fracture, it's because other complications start happening, because they can't get out of bed and they get, you know, some type of bed sore that gets infected or pneumonia. And I don't say this to like scare women, but it's like a reality that we get to start taking care of our body sooner than later. So think of that heavy lifting for you and really focusing on um doing if anything, well, I want you to work on your upper body, but really focusing on your lower body as well. Well, and walk walking's good, but you need a little bit more, you need more of impact for the bones to keep them, to keep them strong.

Anita Mattu

Yeah, so it's that muscle mass strength, yeah, density. Yeah, absolutely. So, what does strong at 40, strong at 90 actually look like in practice?

Kim Bilyk

40 to 90. Well, I'm sure there'll be a little bit of difference. At 40, you'll probably be lifting a little more. I think uh when I think of strong at 40, that is you just layering, trying to get your strength as best as you can. Like keep, you know, keep lifting, getting a little heavier. Obviously, we are 40, we're not gonna heal as quick as we did in when we were 16. So being mindful, don't go throw your back out or have you know have some injury like that. Uh, I feel like most 40-year-old women, we still have our we have good balance, we're fairly mobile, you know, being able to bend over and pick up off the floor, like that. And I think, but then strong at 90, when I think of strong at 90 is not being on a walker or a cane, being able to stand on your own two feet, being able to bend over and pick up the paperclip off the floor, get up the stairs. Uh, you know, 90 is gonna look a little different. You're probably gonna have looser skin. That's fine. But are you able to maintain your independence? And God forbid you have a you know a little slip and fall, you don't break your bones.

Anita Mattu

Yes. And that's fantastic, you know. We all want to live and into that because what I always say is if I live a long life, I want to be active, I don't want to live a long life and not be able to do anything. So yeah. Yeah.

Kim Bilyk

And it's possible. I think of this one woman, she's 102. She is on a walker, but it's only because her daughter drove over her foot in the car. Yeah, unf um, unfortunate accident. But she's active all the time. And there's another man that I see at the beach, 91 years old. He runs three days a week, four days a week. He does a three to four mile run. So kilometers-wise, that's about six, seven kilometers. Three to four times a week at 91 years old.

Anita Mattu

Wow.

Kim Bilyk

Yeah, every time I see him, I'm like clapping. I'm like, you're such an inspiration.

Anita Mattu

So, what does it mean for women to feel fully alive, turned on to life and connected again? Because a lot of women out there want that.

Kim Bilyk

Well, one, coming back to that foundation, your health is good. And maybe it's not perfect, but you're feeling you're feeling good. Your food's energizing you. You're not, you know, eating processed foods all the time and it's draining you. But really, at the end, it is come just feeling fully connected to what you want. Feeling connected to your body, moving in the direction, whether it's in your relationship with your children, in business, in life. And you just wake up with a glow, wanting to know what's gonna happen next, and just feeling that energy like going through you every every day.

Anita Mattu

And vitality, I think.

Kim Bilyk

Vitality is a good word. Yeah. The big thing is not, and I hear this so often, is just not feeling disconnected and feeling very connected to yourself and what is true to you.

Anita Mattu

Yeah, and it's building that confidence for yourself, not what everybody else says or what everybody thinks they should be doing.

Strong At 40 Versus Strong At 90

Anita Mattu

It's about you, individual. Exactly. So, what daily practice supports your own health and energy the most?

Kim Bilyk

I need to be outside every day. Um, and like I live in Florida, so I'm blessed. I have warm weather all the time. So getting sunshine, especially in the morning, really energize me. It's good for our circadian rhythm to help with our sleep. Uh, I do eat healthy. Now, get don't get me wrong, I had a glass of wine last night. Um, so I still have a wine. I may eat a little dessert once in a while, but I, you know, I start my mornings with some protein. I shouldn't say some protein, like about 30 grams of protein, and staying active. Uh I'm in the gym about four to five times a week. And then I do one day of Pilates. And once we're done this, I'm actually going to go to the beach for my beach walk. So I do two beach walks, usually on the weekend. Uh, so those are some big regular things that I do. And then along with just I have my little altar, I do some breath work, maybe a meditation, journaling, whatever. I I'm not consistent with what I do. It's whatever I feel I need that day. But uh at some point in the day, sometimes it's in the morning, sometimes it's in the evening. I sit at my altar and I just do um some internal work. We'll call it that. And on a weekly basis, I do make an effort. There again, some weeks are busier than others. I do make an effort to have connection with friends and girlfriends. Um, because that is really important as well.

Anita Mattu

Absolutely. It's that human connection. Yeah. So what is one thing you wish every woman knew about her body in midlife?

Kim Bilyk

I feel that, and we've said this a couple times, when a woman's really connected to her body, she could do whatever she wants. Um, one one thing way I kind of say it is like when a woman's fully connected to her body and cycle, if you're still cycling, you could be a badass in all areas of your life. Because just like we're cyclical monthly, if you're still cyclic, we're cyclical in life hormonally as well. And with that is life's changing. So when you're connected to your body, you know maybe where you get to give more energy to and where you get to pull away. And without that connection, you're kind of just like all over the place, feeling burnt out. And when you're connected, you'll say no. And it's not suiting you.

Anita Mattu

And we, you know, who doesn't want that title in midlife? Right? Come on, it's owning who you are. Let's do it, women.

Kim Bilyk

It it is. Um, you know, we get to just really step into who we are, step into what we want. Uh I d uh, you know, this conversation's come up a couple times. I don't know how you feel about it, Anita, but I I feel better than I was in my 20s. I even had comparison photos and I look I was like an athlete in my 20s, but I look better now. I still had that little bit of inflammation because I was partying and drinking and not sleeping and still being an athlete. Um, but now I'm just like pulled all that away. And I share that because, you know, people are like, oh, once you're in your 40s, man or woman, you're going downhill. No, we're just getting started.

Anita Mattu

Absolutely. I mean, I'm gonna hit 60 soon. And people say, God, every time I see you, you look younger. I said, I gave up drinking 10 years ago. I eat healthy, I'll eat a lot of protein, I'll walk, you know, I look after myself. And yeah,

Daily Rituals Advocacy And Where To Find Kim

Anita Mattu

so you have a big difference. Of course. And like you said, I feel healthier than I've ever felt.

Kim Bilyk

That's amazing. I love that. I wanna like I want to feel like that when I'm 59.

Anita Mattu

Absolutely. So if there was one key takeaway you want every listener to walk away with today, what would that be?

Kim Bilyk

I feel so I know I've said this already. Being connected to yourself is so, so important. And with that, the other takeaway is if something feels off, you know, especially as we're you're moving through perimenopause, post-menopause, menopause, um, really listen to that and advocate for yourself. If one doctor, health practitioner says it's nothing, trust that it's something. Go get a second opinion. Because there's somebody else out there that will dig a little bit deeper and help you with that symptom or symptoms because you don't have to live suffering.

Anita Mattu

And it's absolutely you're worth it. Do it for yourself.

Kim Bilyk

Yeah. All it takes sometimes is one little one little shift. It can be the smallest thing, and you're gonna feel so much different, and you deserve that.

Anita Mattu

So, where can the listeners find you online, your website?

Kim Bilyk

Yeah, so I'm most active on Instagram, and it's just my name, K-I-M-B-I-L-Y-K underscore. And then my website uh is Sacred Womb Cycles. I do have a product line, which is uh four herbal teas created to support each phase of our menstrual cycle. And I also did create the Womb Wisdom journal. So I've been talking a lot about connection and the breath work, all that actually is in the journal, and then you really get to connect to yourself. So that's where the branding of Sacred Womb Cycle comes in, and that that's the website, www.sacretwombcycles.com. Those are the two main places. I am on Facebook, just my name Kim Bilyk. Um, not as active there, but you can still find me there.

Anita Mattu

And all the links will be in the show notes. So, listeners, please do get the help you need and connect with Kim. You know, this wise woman. I mean, don't we all want to know more about our life and enjoy it to the fullest?

Kim Bilyk

Yes. Don't feel free to reach out, drop me a DM. Um, even if you just got a win from this conversation, I love to hear from everybody. And thank you, Anita, so much for having me.

Anita Mattu

Oh, it's my pleasure. So thank you so much for sharing your insights, your wisdom, and helping us all, women and men are you know, they get the benefits too. By doing what you do. You've impacted so many people and truly made a difference. I really want to acknowledge you for that, Kim Billy.

Kim Bilyk

Thank you.

Anita Mattu

So we are all about Create the Courage to Be Fearless podcast here. What is your definition of courage?

Kim Bilyk

Who definition of courage. I you know, courage is to me, is just taking that leap. Even in those moments when you're kind of hesitant and being like, I don't know if I should do this. Listening to your heart and and going for it.